CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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