Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
