She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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