This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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