True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
