I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
