tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.