There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.