i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?