new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
