i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
