The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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