We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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