You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
