My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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