Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
