I have demons in me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
