if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
