party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We are all done wearing pants today
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