I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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