He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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