The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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