3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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