Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
