Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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