Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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