where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
