am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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