Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
