where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am one with the molecules
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
