i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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