It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
