Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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