speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
