Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
