im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
