I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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