im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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