Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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