i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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