I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
