I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize