I want to have your abortion
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize