why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want her autograph on my taint
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
