is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
