and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
