Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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