Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
