Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
