My cat gives me a boner
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
