I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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