Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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