i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
