I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
