oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she peed on how many people?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
