Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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