just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
