frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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