Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
COCAINE IS GR8
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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