So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
