I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
