Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
