just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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