Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
