He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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